Thursday, March 16, 2006
Nothing really mattersWell, my term has finally ended. And such a relief too... I can't believe how stressed I felt in that term even though I only did two subjects. The least subjects I've ever done for the past 4 terms.
Thinking about it, I could've enjoyed that term a little more if only I could think positive. But after going through hell with all the group work and assignments and such, all I could think of was that I wanted the term to end quickly and put it out of my misery. It was all I could think of until I didn't care whether I did my work or my exam properly. I just wanted it to end.
Before my last exam, I was chatting with my ex group member (who didn't do much for the story book) on how we're going to do our exam. After advising him on what to do, he finally gave me what his final product will look.
Me: Lol!!!! It's an improvement, that's for sure. ^^
Him: well, vincent better except it because.......THAT'S ALL HE'S GONNA GET FROM ME!!!......AHAHAHHA....*sigh*......i think this is gonna ruin my chance for an A.
Me: Lol!!!!! Ah well... aiming for an A is great, but that shouldn't be your main priority in life. ^^
Him: why not? should always aim as high as possible.....although the chances of reaching that high is highly unlikely.....but i do get disappointed when i don't get good results......even if i know i didn't work hard enough.....that's one of my stupid problems.
Me: Though A's do help you through life, I realize that even with the A, that doesn't mean I'm really great with the subject. It could've been luck at that time and such... isn't the real purpose of these things is to show who you truly are? I don't know... though I like getting A's as well, sometimes it really means nothing to me. >_>
Him: well, if you're comparing it to life then of course it's a different story.....just look at it from an education point of view......what are we doing all these things for? to get good results.....why do you want to get good results? so that that piece of paper we get when we finish this course looks nicer......sad, huh? haha.
Me: Hmm... but then again, are we really true to ourselves in the process? You may have that certificate in your hand, but will it reflect you? When someone hires you, will those A's you work so hard for then appear during your job? I don't intend on failing this subject. But I don't intend on lying to myself either. @_@ It's weird I suppose... After all this, I can still get tired of A's. >_<
Him: yeah, but with all the degree holders in the world nowadays, of course the boss is gonna hire the one with either the most certificates or the one with nicer certificates......it's what we go to school for.....get an A and move on with life.....don't get an A, too bad.....fail everything, go out and make a living. that's life.
Me: That's a technical way of looking at it. I like to see my life as something with a purpose, and I don't really think that it's just to get tons of A's, get a great job with pay and live an easy life. All these things can be taken away easily...
Him: yeah, i guess you're taking the religious point of view since you're a christian......my father rubbed reality into me a long time ago......he believes that a good education will pave the way for a good job.....simple as that......you do well in school, you get a good job and you live a comfortable life.....you don't do well, you go collect garbage.
Me: Hah... that's a load of bull. >_< Sorry, but I have a friend who failed everything and she isn't picking garbage I assure you. She may not be living easily right now but at least she's doing something worthwhile in her life, which is striving to make her life better without those A's. And it doesn't take a second for all that you have in life to be gone, and it isn't necessarily property. Yeah, it's a Christian point of view... but I see it as reality as well.
Him (after pausing a few minutes): education and EXAMS!!!!!!!!!
Me: :) In the end, all we can do is just face the obstacles before us the best way we can. And I think I've had enough of sounding like some 80 year old woman who thinks she knows too much.
I felt bad for saying such things, but I guess I got really frustrated with all of my work. I felt like it wasn't worth it anymore, trying to aim high. I only wanted to do the best that I can do and finish off with it.
I'm so tired of aiming so high when it really doesn't mean anything to me. Especially when it came to this term. I guess I was so stressed from doing most of the work, it didn't really matter anymore.
But then again, are A's really everything we should strive for? I mean, they're great and all but isn't the purpose of it is to evaluate your work for what it really is? I learnt from my many failures that when I get an A, that means I must have worked really hard to deserve it. If I don't get it, then it means I didn't work hard enough or I should probably try harder.
Sadly in college, you have no chances of knowing your grade until the term's over. Sure, your lecturer will tell you how much marks you've collected so far but you'll just never know. And in the end, you'll only regret when you fail.
I don't think I'll fail my last term, but I'm not expecting great grades.
Am I giving up? Am I seeing A's as useless until I'm not even bothered to work hard anymore? Is that wrong?
Lord, in all I do today
Remind me that there's just one way
To do the things that I do best
To put my mind and heart at rest
And that's to put in Your great hands
My life that you alone have planned
Nah... I don't see A's as bad. I like getting A's. But if I don't get it, it's not the end of the world for me. I'm going to move on and strive harder in my life.
After all, failure can make one to strive harder.
Take care and God bless. |
