Welcome
Hello and welcome to my blog full of nothingness. But there's still something for those who care about what's going through my mind. It may be a little bit too emo to some, but please bear with me, all right? I promise I won't be that emo... ;p.


The Girl
I'm currently doing my Diploma in Mass Communication in KDU (PJ). I'm Catholic, and I love Japanese animation and music. As for who I am, a lot of people have different views on this. I could be a bitch to some, and an angel to others. But regardless, I love you all (whether you want to believe me or not).


Links
Friends
Mel
Vicky
Shan
Anup
Aaron
My Anime Blog
My Music Blog

Reads
GaijinSmash.net
Random Curiosity
Chibi Yuuto's CHRoNiCLES


Tagboard




Past
08/25/2002 - 09/01/2002 09/01/2002 - 09/08/2002 09/08/2002 - 09/15/2002 09/22/2002 - 09/29/2002 09/29/2002 - 10/06/2002 10/20/2002 - 10/27/2002 10/27/2002 - 11/03/2002 11/10/2002 - 11/17/2002 12/01/2002 - 12/08/2002 12/22/2002 - 12/29/2002 01/12/2003 - 01/19/2003 01/19/2003 - 01/26/2003 01/26/2003 - 02/02/2003 02/09/2003 - 02/16/2003 02/16/2003 - 02/23/2003 02/23/2003 - 03/02/2003 03/09/2003 - 03/16/2003 03/16/2003 - 03/23/2003 03/23/2003 - 03/30/2003 03/30/2003 - 04/06/2003 04/06/2003 - 04/13/2003 04/20/2003 - 04/27/2003 04/27/2003 - 05/04/2003 05/04/2003 - 05/11/2003 05/11/2003 - 05/18/2003 05/18/2003 - 05/25/2003 05/25/2003 - 06/01/2003 06/01/2003 - 06/08/2003 06/15/2003 - 06/22/2003 06/22/2003 - 06/29/2003 06/29/2003 - 07/06/2003 07/06/2003 - 07/13/2003 07/13/2003 - 07/20/2003 07/20/2003 - 07/27/2003 08/03/2003 - 08/10/2003 08/10/2003 - 08/17/2003 08/17/2003 - 08/24/2003 08/24/2003 - 08/31/2003 09/07/2003 - 09/14/2003 09/14/2003 - 09/21/2003 09/21/2003 - 09/28/2003 10/05/2003 - 10/12/2003 10/19/2003 - 10/26/2003 10/26/2003 - 11/02/2003 11/02/2003 - 11/09/2003 11/16/2003 - 11/23/2003 11/30/2003 - 12/07/2003 12/14/2003 - 12/21/2003 01/11/2004 - 01/18/2004 01/25/2004 - 02/01/2004 02/08/2004 - 02/15/2004 02/15/2004 - 02/22/2004 02/22/2004 - 02/29/2004 02/29/2004 - 03/07/2004 03/07/2004 - 03/14/2004 03/14/2004 - 03/21/2004 03/21/2004 - 03/28/2004 03/28/2004 - 04/04/2004 04/11/2004 - 04/18/2004 04/18/2004 - 04/25/2004 04/25/2004 - 05/02/2004 05/02/2004 - 05/09/2004 05/09/2004 - 05/16/2004 05/23/2004 - 05/30/2004 05/30/2004 - 06/06/2004 06/06/2004 - 06/13/2004 06/27/2004 - 07/04/2004 07/04/2004 - 07/11/2004 07/18/2004 - 07/25/2004 08/01/2004 - 08/08/2004 08/15/2004 - 08/22/2004 09/05/2004 - 09/12/2004 09/12/2004 - 09/19/2004 09/19/2004 - 09/26/2004 09/26/2004 - 10/03/2004 10/03/2004 - 10/10/2004 10/10/2004 - 10/17/2004 10/17/2004 - 10/24/2004 10/24/2004 - 10/31/2004 11/14/2004 - 11/21/2004 11/28/2004 - 12/05/2004 12/12/2004 - 12/19/2004 12/19/2004 - 12/26/2004 12/26/2004 - 01/02/2005 01/02/2005 - 01/09/2005 01/09/2005 - 01/16/2005 01/16/2005 - 01/23/2005 01/23/2005 - 01/30/2005 01/30/2005 - 02/06/2005 02/06/2005 - 02/13/2005 02/13/2005 - 02/20/2005 02/20/2005 - 02/27/2005 02/27/2005 - 03/06/2005 03/06/2005 - 03/13/2005 03/20/2005 - 03/27/2005 04/03/2005 - 04/10/2005 04/10/2005 - 04/17/2005 04/17/2005 - 04/24/2005 05/01/2005 - 05/08/2005 05/15/2005 - 05/22/2005 05/22/2005 - 05/29/2005 05/29/2005 - 06/05/2005 06/05/2005 - 06/12/2005 06/12/2005 - 06/19/2005 06/19/2005 - 06/26/2005 06/26/2005 - 07/03/2005 07/10/2005 - 07/17/2005 07/17/2005 - 07/24/2005 07/24/2005 - 07/31/2005 07/31/2005 - 08/07/2005 08/07/2005 - 08/14/2005 08/14/2005 - 08/21/2005 08/21/2005 - 08/28/2005 08/28/2005 - 09/04/2005 09/04/2005 - 09/11/2005 09/18/2005 - 09/25/2005 09/25/2005 - 10/02/2005 10/02/2005 - 10/09/2005 10/09/2005 - 10/16/2005 10/16/2005 - 10/23/2005 11/06/2005 - 11/13/2005 11/20/2005 - 11/27/2005 11/27/2005 - 12/04/2005 12/04/2005 - 12/11/2005 12/11/2005 - 12/18/2005 12/25/2005 - 01/01/2006 01/01/2006 - 01/08/2006 01/22/2006 - 01/29/2006 01/29/2006 - 02/05/2006 02/05/2006 - 02/12/2006 02/12/2006 - 02/19/2006 02/19/2006 - 02/26/2006 02/26/2006 - 03/05/2006 03/05/2006 - 03/12/2006 03/12/2006 - 03/19/2006 03/19/2006 - 03/26/2006 03/26/2006 - 04/02/2006 04/09/2006 - 04/16/2006 04/16/2006 - 04/23/2006 04/23/2006 - 04/30/2006 04/30/2006 - 05/07/2006 06/04/2006 - 06/11/2006 06/18/2006 - 06/25/2006 07/16/2006 - 07/23/2006 07/23/2006 - 07/30/2006 07/30/2006 - 08/06/2006 10/29/2006 - 11/05/2006


Layout

Title: Written in the Stars
Featuring: Raven from RR Project
Lines: Ewan ko. Lol.
Made by: Miss Misfit
Coded by: Miss Misfit
Image by: Ravenskar
Used: Adobe Photoshop CS2
Created: June 10, 2006
Released: June 11, 2006
Colors: yellow, green, brown?
Credits: 1 2 3 4 5



Friday, October 07, 2005

Todokete kono yasashisa ni...

When all this life's misleading
Brings me down upon my knees
When the walls I've built to save me
Start to move in
I carry my tears and pain
And throw them into a sea
In hopes that maybe someday
I'll be a better me

Don't lie to me tomorrow
Don't scream at me today
I'm just another wanderer
Finding my own way
And even though I've stumbled
And even if I crawl
I know I'll make it someday
Even if I lose all

And as the poison bleeds
Time carries on...

I hate crying. It's so messy. The tears, the swollen eyes, the liquid dripping from your nose... but it's the pain that makes crying unbearable. The pain that seems to rise up from your heart to your throat. Well, at least that's how it feels for me. And it's probably because I refuse to scream the pain out which makes it even more painful.

Hyuuu...

Yeah, I actually broke down. I knew it was coming and it did. Lucky for me, I broke down in my room. It's amazing how I managed to supress it after spending a horrible day in college.

And now I'm starting to wonder why I'm so stupid lately. Cause the answer to all my problems was right there, but I just refuse to use it. Don't ask me why, I have my own fears and problems. But I am trying to face it. If only it didn't feel so impossible...

A lot of great things are happening around me but I can't feel it anymore. The laughter, the joy that people try to share with me... it eases the pain for just a moment. But when I sit in my room all alone, with just my thoughts as company, the pain comes back.

I sound like a drama queen now, don't I? And this is why I hate myself so much. I don't want to feel like this, I don't wanna be like this, but this is who I am. Yet I fear so deeply to let that part of me show to anyone because I don't want people to think I'm after attention. I'm not. The reason why I'm letting it out in this blog is because this is the only place I can let it all out without people truly judging me. Cause it's just a blog... how much can you trust it?

I'm ok. I really really am ok. Though yeah... I must admit, I did try to cut myself. Luckily, I was only "scratching" my skin, rather than cutting it cause the scissors was not sharp enough. Or maybe I wasn't cutting it right... hmm...

Eh? Eh? @____@ Nooo... I won't try it again! At least, I hope. The little demons in me like to play this game where they'll catch me off guard. I don't know when will I feel like this again, and I'm not sure if it'll be worst than before, but whatever it is...

I'm taking up all the happiness that I can carry, but pray that my pain is not hidden somewhere in it.

Thanks for the support. I love you lots. Take care and God bless.

|

Go back to top ?