Thursday, September 08, 2005

Tooi inochi

Last Sunday was a special day for my class in Sunday School as they were about to recieve Holy Communion for the first time. I came to church one hour early, running around giving the kids their name tags, ensuring their place to sit, helping them with their dresses, clothes, head gear (for the girls) and handing out booklets. Keeping them in line, giving them words of encouragement and comfort was also something I had to do...

It may sound like a whole bunch of work, or it may sound like something pathetic for someone like me to do it, but I gotta confess...

I had so much fun.

This year's batch are such darlings! They're quiter than last year's bunch but at the same time, much more talkative because they couldn't stop striking conversations with me! "Teacher, I'm scared." "Teacher, I'm nervous." "Teacher, how do I look?" "Teacher, what am I supposed to do?"

Actually, in a very strange sense and though I really am not... but for some reason I felt like I fulfilled something in my life. So as the ceremony ended with much success, I went home feeling like I've actually done something right with my life.

I was sick last Friday and got better around Saturday. The cough and cold stayed though and it was on Monday that I felt the full effect of it.

I had a terrible headache.

On Tuesday, I couldn't take it any longer. Plus, whenever I blew my nose, there'd be blood mixed with the mucus so I panicked and went straight to the hospital where they took x-rays and told me that something had burst inside my nostrils and pus is collecting in my nose thus my sinus problem. Right now they're giving me pills to stop the swelling (which seems to be working). If things don't go well, I might have to operate.

Still, I'm not that entirely worried. Whatever comes, comes... so let's pray for the best for all of us shall we? ^^ Since I'm sure what all of you are going through are much worst than me...

Take care and God bless. ^^

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Sunday, September 04, 2005

Maboroshii

been a long road to follow
been there and gone tomorrow
without saying goodbye to yesterday
are the memories I hold still valid?
or have the tears deluded them?
maybe this time tomorrow
the rain will cease to follow
and the mist will fade into one more today
something somewhere out there keeps calling
am I going home?
will I hear someone singing solace to the silent moon?
zero gravity what's it like?
am I alone?
is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet
still the road keeps on telling me to go on
something is pulling me
I feel the gravity of it all

Since I fell sick last Friday, I concluded that there are a few things that usually happen to me after a fever.

1. I'll lose some weight.
2. I'd develop a really bad cough.
3. My "sniffing" sounds like I'm breathing in some stuffed macaroni.
4. Weird headaches.

Now the weird headaches is not exactly bad... it's just that my head feels strangely heavy. Moving too quickly hurts it more... and I feel extra sleepy. And when I do sleep nothing can wake me up. Not even my handphone... (which always succeeds in waking me up someway)

So as I go through this, I suppose it's safe to say that I am feeling a lot better than the past few weeks. How should I say this... Hmm...

Have you ever woken up with this nostalgic feeling deep in your heart? One that you had only felt when you were really young before the weight of the world decided to suppress it?

Yeah, I had that feeling not long ago. And it was really strange, cause this nostalgic feeling was full of "anime". Lol!!! I'm not making sense?

When I was young, I'd wake up every Saturday morning with this urge to watch TV to watch anime, which at that time, I didn't know it was anime. So as I woke up this Saturday morning, I had the urge to watch some old animes. Which, of course, I didn't do in the end...

But the nostalgic feeling continued straight until the afternoon.

I still think about that feeling sometimes. Why did I feel it? What does it mean? And most importantly...

Why now?

Lol!!! I know it's something stupid to give so much thought about. But me being the curious idiot that I am... well... I don't want these emotions to go unnoticed. I want to understand.

Cause there's a lot about me I don't understand. A lot about the world I need to know. A lot I need to learn and experience...

I don't want to make a mistake that'll not only cost my life/future... but other people's as well.

Take care and God bless.

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