Thursday, October 20, 2005
Secret World, tasuke ni ikou...There's an opening in my heart
And I fell just right into it
And I can't seem to get out
And I can't seem to get away
But I don't feel like breaking out
Cause this feeling's that breaking in
Makes me happy that I could sing...
Whoa... I can't believe I could remember this song but for some reason the lyrics have been pounding in my head the whole day. It's a song that I wrote a long time ago back when 'Etude' was around.... I think...
I still find the lyrics strange... and that's only verse one. The chorus is even worse. But I remember what I was thinking as I wrote it...
That I looked inside my heart... and loved what I saw.
So as the days pass since my 'attempted suicide', things are slowly falling back to place. Sometimes I wonder how can I act so normal when my problems aren't exactly solved and when I still feel guilty that I've wasted 2 years of my parents salary. But then I realised that I can't let guilt take over me... even if it is the main reason why I wanted to die on that day. Cause now I'm holding on to that one feeling God has given me to pass each day...
Hope.
Although yeah, I now have a strange fear towards driving, my parents now see me as both 'the real queen of drama' and 'a giant, maybe useless investment', my sister thinks I'm just being stupid and my relatives are now sniggering at the fact that their niece/cousin has gotten into an accident twice in less than two weeks, but one thing remains...
I have great friends.
In which I want to thank everyone... everyone in JTCorner forums for their most wonderful support. All of my friends who've called to check up on me and for those who commented on this blog (that means you, Runningkid... ^^) for all of your support and helping me to believe that tomorrow isn't so bad after all...
Thank you.
Well, my presentation for Advert is finally done. I had a lot of problems... one which is some of my group members kept giving me problems by not attending the meetings, then there's the inconsistency of ideas and points... Can you believe we only settled the name and tag line of our radio station a day before the presentation? I had to grab whatever members that were around to just sit down and discuss with me properly on fixing this problem.
So we stuck to 'O-Beat' with it's tagline 'Going Global with the Beat'. I then worked hard to prepare the powerpoint presentation and the booklet which I realised, turned out to be quite messy. I have a lot of repeated points in certain areas and then there were points that turned out to be irrelevant to what we've discussed (which comes to show how bad things can be when your members don't turn up for the meetings) so I had to 'clean up' but I was still running out of time. I had to skip 'Moral studies' just to finish the power point presentation.
A day before, I also realised that I had let one member in without realising that we already have enough members (again, because some of my members don't show their faces enough for me to be convinced that we already have enough members). Panicked out of my carelesness, I ran to my lecturer Miss Sasha who looked at me with concern She then said never mind and that she'll only say something on my day of presentation.
So when the time of presentation finally came, I sat in the room with my group members, exhausted and worned out. I knew that I was going to forget my lines when it came to my turn to present (and I was presenting for most of the parts... >.<) but I feared that one of my group members might be kicked out, or that our presentation was not good enough and that my group members would be disappointed with me.
As much as they were a pain, they all contributed so I'm not the one to complain. (Being a group leader's just too tough sometimes...)
But amazingly enough, things turned out pretty well. I made a video (also a day before the presentation, since we only came up with a name and tagline then...) which was actually part of a Korean music video that one of my online friends had "given" me to try and convince me that Eric in the music video was hot (I must 'glomp' her for this... Lol!!) and to my utter surprise, everyone in the room loved it. And my lecturer loved it even more when I told her that our radio station was mostly based on international artists from 'around the globe' and that the 'O' in 'O-Beat' actually represented the globe (all my ideas... >.<). I stuttered a lot on my part (to be expected) and some of my group member's presentation wasn't really that interesting... but I was quite satisfied enough.
When our presentation was over, the applause was decent enough. But I went straight to Miss Sasha and asked her about the overload of members in which she told me, "It's ok, you were stuck in such a position and couldn't help it so no worries. It won't affect anyone." And as I sighed a great relief, I glanced at Miss Sasha's notes and saw my name and under it... "Very good intro."
And so I walked out of the room feeling very satisfied.
I went straight to the cafeteria to buy myself something to eat and drink (plus it was raining heavily and it was impossible for me to take the bus at that time) and sat in the cafeteria nicely biting into the bun which happened to be the only food I had for the day when one of my group members came up to me and congratulated me.
"Hmm?" I said, rather confused.
"You worked really hard on this presentation so thanks a lot."
Smiling, I told my group member, Jon, that it was nothing and I thanked him for being the only member who's attended all of the meetings I've set up and for contributing a number of ideas.
Then another member came up, Linda, congratulating me and thanking me as she gave me a piece of paper. Looking at it, I realised that it was a Digi reload RM 30. "You wasted most of your credit calling and sms-ing us all, so I collected RM 5 from each member and got you this."
And then, very slowly, I felt that living was quite worthwhile after all.
The three of us discussed about our presentation and what made it good, in which Linda commented that the video was a big plus as it captured everyone's attention. Then Jon also noted that we had the most shortest presentation which actually helped a lot because everyone was getting tired. And as the rain became lighter, I took the bus home (in which, the rain was still heavy but 'manageable'... >.<).
Later, I recieved an sms from another group member, Stephanie, who thanked me for all the work I've done and telling me to take a good rest.
As much as I had gotten practically soaked on that day, and the skirt that I wore was getting really uncomfortable (I can't seem to wear a skirt for a long period of time) and that I was really exhausted and worrying about another assignment, I got home smiling.
Things won't look bad if you only notice the bad things. So I focused on that moment of happiness I had.
And it made all the difference.
May all of you find that moment of happiness and treasure it.
Take care and God bless. ^^ |
